Wednesday, January 14, 2009

what is a 'real friend'

boy, i'm getting bad at this. my intent...every single morning is to blog...but sometimes it just doesn't happen. any how...sorry.

so, as i was driving into work, i was thinking about friendship. i took a look at the dictionary and this is what it defined as a 'friend'.

-one attached to another by affection or esteem
-one that is not hostile
-one that favors or promotes something
-a favored companion

pretty cool huh? i'm a fairly young guy. actually i'll be 32 in march. ouch! that makes me think i'm not so young anymore.....i digress....but my point is that i've had a few friendships in my life so far. maybe a couple :-) so i feel qualified to write about this.

lately, i've been wondering what makes a friendship last? i do have friends that i've known almost my entire life. some, for 10 years or more...and some that i've just become friends with. through out my lifetime, some friendships haven't gone the distance. why is that? big fight? moved away? time and opportunity changed? there are lots of reasons for friendships to end, but what ingredient makes them last? that's what i want to know. because really....if i knew that answer and could write a book or post a video on youtube or something, i'm absolutely sure that i would be least for 15 minutes or so.

but isn't that what everyone would like to know? don't we all want 100% of our friendships to last forever? do we? or do we only want them to last as long as we get something out of them? if that's the that really friendship? "one that favors or promotes something". that requires interest in the other....not just interest in yourself.

i've got no resolution here. just questions today. feel free to share your wisdom. maybe we can all get real and become better friends.

take care...

PS...for you NorCal folks, I hope to see you at my show on friday.


Carrie Hasson said...

sometimes you picked the wrong friend to begin with...i think that's part of why i have let some friendships go. they were unhealthy and even though i am a dreamer and wish they could be ideal and last, sometimes it's more important to be real with yourself and ask some tough questions. like is this relationship hurting me or helping me grow? am i always giving and they're always taking? or do they truly care about me as a person and just aren't capable of showing it in the way i need? i am trying to be better at choosing the right people to spend my time and energy on to begin with, it makes remaining friends a whole lot easier!

Dana Fontaine said...

There seems to be a quiet undercurrent of this question in a variety of forms floating around the world right now. I had this same conversation with someone this morning. I wonder if it means that we are all in a time of transition...

Because you asked... :)

I personally think that we meet many acquaintances throughout our lives, but I think that your real friends are a much smaller number than those that we actually refer to as such. True friends are those that take a vested interest in you, in who you are, in what you are doing, in how you are feeling.

I think that a friendship encourages an exchange of information, of compassion and is non-judgmental, but at the same time your true friends will hold you accountable to your actions or your words.

I think that it is possible for a friendship to grow and evolve just as I think it is possible to grow distant. Our life experiences and the amount of time and effort we invest into a relationship, a friendship, will determine its success or failure.

With this in mind, it is no wonder that so many people are creating friends through the internet. Real, viable friends you can rely upon even though they may not be able to meet you at the corner coffee shop. For the same reasons, that is why your friend of years may be growing distant either due to a physical move, or because of a change in their life that prevents them from putting the effort into your relationship or to withdraw entirely.

Regardless of where your friendship takes you, there is nothing like the rush of excitement as you find a new friend, a new comrade in your journey of discovery nor the bittersweet sadness that comes from the loss of a friend.

Denise Karis said...

I think that low expectations make a friendship last... I know, it sounds wierd.

I have friends who expect me to call them ALL THE TIME - who want my weekends and days off - who are really high matinence.

My best friends are those that arent demanding - we get together every other month and email once a week. Who know I have a busy life and respect that and who have their own busy lives to deal with too.

Also an interest in photography doesn't hurt either :P

and why do I wait so long to come back to your blog? its been like two weeks since ive been here... I love the questions you pose

Pastor's Perspective said...

Dude! Crazy similiar!

Gena said...

I believe friendships that begin in the heart are the friendships that stand the test of time. Surface relationships are just the window dressing of our lives and really can't be called friendships at all.

"Greater love has no man than this; that he lay down his life for a friend."

Anonymous said...

Pretty heavy stuff for so early in the morning! I've had a few really, really good friends and since I've lived more than twice as long as you [a-hem] several of my friends have passed away. Actually, there have been times when I have envied them being in a much, much better place than me.

My friendships are on varying scales meaning there are all kinds of friendships and different reasons for that friendship. a favored companion is not necessarily someone I would share my deepest thoughts with.

Do I want 100% of my friendships to last a lifetime? Some...maybe. But we all change and grow and mature and nothing is constant [except God's love] and that connection we had changes too. Have you ever had a friend for a time and then one day wonder what you saw in them and why you are friends?

What makes a friendship last? Heart. Opening up your heart, sharing your heart, giving your heart, sacrificing your heart and...listening.


Jeramy Sossaman said...

hey guys...thanks. all really good input. i appreciate it.

Dawn B said...

I think people come into our lives at different times, and at certain points in our life. We can learn from each person, each relationship, and it is up to us what we take from those relationships. Wow....deep, huh?