Wednesday, September 16, 2009

give until there's nothing left


i kind of feel like most people enjoy being helpful to others. offering good advice elevates us to a place of wisdom and shows off our life experience while adding the warm fuzzies that we get from helping or encouraging someone else. you may say that it's a win win.

i wonder though if we are created as one or the other? givers or receivers? or, is it possible that we all need and are capable of both?

recently, i've thought a lot about how these questions affect the people that we choose as friends. do we choose people because we see their problems and know that we can help them? or maybe, we choose friends because we're in desperate need of aid that we think we can get from that person with that seems to have it all together? honestly, i think for a relationship to really work, that it needs to go both ways. because we all need someone to rely on. we all need someone to care enough to ask how we're doing and to really be there for us. the care needs to be reciprocal, because eventually the one that usually does the giving will need to receive. if our relationships are not mutually beneficial in this area, the one that is used to receiving won't have the ability or the foresight to ask, or care, or be there for anyone else. because the pattern has already been set. the entire relationship has been based on one side giving, and the other receiving. but like i said...we all need to be cared for at times. and when we need it....and no one is there....especially those that you thought were your real friends....it's devastating. then the hurt comes....and then the relationship dissolves.

so what am i saying? relationships are give and take. don't just receive from a friend...even if they are great at giving. and don't just give...even if you enjoy it...even if you're really helping. it needs to go both ways.

if this is you...i want you to know that it's not too late. put things back in balance. make things right. care for each other. it will be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

less of me...

5 comments:

Nicholle said...

Very well said Jeramy!

Thank you!

vsossaman said...

Good thoughts Jeramy! I think we all have had similar thoughts regarding the same things. I do believe in life we have friends that we consider "takers".We love them but we expect to be the one that gives. If you are a giver, you enjoy the joy and blessing of giving. Sadly for the "taker" they never experience that same joy of giving to someone else. I wonder if it because they can't see beyond their own need, or if it is because no one shares their need?" Givers" find such joy in giving that it is often difficult to be given to because "givers" often do not allow others to know the real them and be transparent enough to let someone know there is a need. I do believe that the majority of people love to give to people they love and have given to them, maybe in a small unspoken ways, but they give.So many things are involved in this topic. This is one of those topics that we could go on and on about!

Carrie Hasson said...

sometimes it's nice to be a friend to yourself and give to yourself a little, not just others. this is what i am trying to work on...thanks for the great post Jeramy. and thanks for always leaving comments, they really do mean so much.

Cheryl said...

Loved this post... and I agree that healthy friendships MUST go both ways. We have had friendships in the past that failed because 'they' would give and give and give but NEVER would they ask for help! When you start feeling like you're the only "needy" one around it gets 'fake' real fast... and relationships can't grow if you can't be real!

The Lady of the House... said...

That was one of your best posts yet! Nicely put!